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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24829300">Neshama</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SabrinaT/pseuds/SabrinaT'>SabrinaT</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Peaky Blinders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, I wrote this for my own amusement lol, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:21:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,622</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24829300</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SabrinaT/pseuds/SabrinaT</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ok so here's the deal. You know how we all have that secondary character who never shows the fuck up in the show but you're weirdly interested in? Like who is this person most of the time?<br/>Legit me and Ollie, the dude who's like Alfie's right-hand man.<br/>This is sad 'cause I will eventually kill Alfie, so TW for that.<br/>Basically, Ollie falls for the girl wgo takes care of his best friend when he gets seriously sick.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The time would come when Alfie Solomons would be dead, and it would happen sooner rather than later. In his defense, it wouldn't be because of something he did, and which prompted a reaction from someone he didn't like, or from someone he'd antagonized, as was his habit. No, this was his body saying that it was enough. The war, the pressure, the constant fear, the shady business, the whole thing with the Shelbies, and with basically everyone else tired him to the point of absolutely no return. And cancer had been the one ilness Alfie couldn't beat, his decaying body betraying his only weakness. Despite all that, and despite wanting to stay alive to see another day, everyone knew that he was dying. And no one knew it as well as Oliver Berg, his loyal friend, the only one Alfie listened to about business. </p><p>"I don't know how much longer I have, right? So, that being said..." Alfie croaked, taking a small break to cough hard into his handkerchief. "...we need to establish what will happen when I'm gone, mate"</p><p>"No, we don't. All you need to know is that everything will be taken care of. You need to rest, not think of business" Ollie responded, for the hundredth time that week. They'd been through it a bunch of times before, but Alfie hardly ever remembered their conversations. </p><p>"I don't mean business, mate. I mean the girl, the one who's been around, taking care of me, even after I yelled at her to go away" Alfie barked, catching Ollie off guard. If there was one thing he didn't want to talk about, was the girl Alfie had basically scared half to death. No, he honestly did not want to think about her more than he already did in his free time. In fact, let's put it this way: Ollie did not, under any circumstance whatsoever, think about Lucy Carter in front of another human being. </p><p>"What about her? Is she not doing a good job?" Ollie managed to ask, keeping his composure in a manner that would have made his dad proud. "I can try and find someone else, but..." </p><p>"Fucking hell, I don't care whether she does a good job or not; she could be poisoning me for all I care. I don't want her to go away, either" Alfie half-yelled, about to lose his patience. Ollie had always been this stuck-up little rule-follower, the kind of guy who didn't even go to brothels. He was willing to kill, and was pretty good at it, too. But when it came to women, he refused to even say a word, make a move. And it was damn right painful to watch. "I have seen you looking at her. And it's terrifying, yeah? It's degrading to see a man like you pining for someone, all the while doing absolute jackshit about it"</p><p>"I don't talk about your private life, you don't talk about mine. Doesn't seem hard to grasp. It's a perfectly sensible agreement" Ollie shrugged, trying not to say too much, trying not to betray just how uncomfortable everything about this situation made him. </p><p>"Well, that seems like a you problem, doesn't it, mate? Because I've never had a fucking problem with us discussing my private life. If you wanted to, you could go straight to the police, couldn't you? And better yet, you'd be an accessory to my crimes, since you're the one hiring the blokes, eh?" Alfie laughed, which resulted on a coughing fit. "I don't even know myself anymore. I don't think I ever said it outloud like that" </p><p>"No, it's the first time" Ollie agreed, inhaling through his nose, filling his lungs slowly, apreciating that moment for all its trivial nature. "You said it to me before, but not like that, not as directly as that" </p><p>"And yet, you knew, Ollie. You knew, and you kept me safe" Alfie smiled, leaning back onto his pillows, looking back on his own life, looking back to all the men he'd slept with, knowing those days were over, but not feeling particularly sad. Of course, he had some of the most beautiful men in England, maybe in the world; he'd known love, once or twice, but his one true love was himself, and his business: so he didn't have any regrets, and he certainly didn't hate the thought of dying without a lover by his side. </p><p>"I did what any good friend would do. You would have done it for me. Actually, you did. You kept me from going against what I believe in, against what I wanted for myself" Ollie replied, sitting back on his chair, somewhat mimicking what Alfie had done. "In France, when you didn't let me go to that brothel. After my brother was killed" </p><p>That night was the most horrible memory Ollie harboured in his mind. His brother Joshua was a pilot, and had been taken down by an enemy plane. The news had arrived via telegram, and Ollie remembered falling to the floor, not even able to hold himself up. Then, the other soldiers had come over with kind words, some jokes, and a lot of alcohol. Hours later, they'd decided to take the grieving brother to the nearest prostitution home. It wasn't that strange, but Ollie himself had never resorted to such services, simply because he'd made a promise to himself: to save himself for love. Not for the desperation, not for a larger-than-life pain, not for the simplest need a human could have to reproduce: he wanted to save himself for a woman who made him weak at the knees. And no one had understood him before, and, honestly, he didn't understand himself either at that moment, under the fine mist the alcohol had produced in his senses. Ollie was so out of it, couldn't even see anything, and remembered only Alfie, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him, a woman staggering out the door, screaming in fear.</p><p>"Whatever I did, you have returned a thousand times over. I never, in my life, have known anyone who stayed a virgin by choice. But I understood it made sense to you, and I also knew I was the only one who wasn't as drunk as the rest of you. So, it was a logical decision. You would never forgive yourself if you had fucked that girl" Alfie explained, giving it a lot less importance than what it really had. </p><p>"I would have" Ollie agreed, looking down at his hands, taking that time to smooth his shirt and trousers. He could clearly hear his best friend breathing heavily, and coughing from time to time, though he tried to disguise it. "That was the worst night of my life. And it could have been worse" </p><p>"I've known you for years, mate. And I have never seen you look at anyone the way you look at Lucy, right? I never, in my life, seen anyone look at another human being the way you look at her. And unfortunately, I know you very well, don't I? And I know you won't make a move. I know you think she'd never look at you, never love you, never give you a chance" Alfie stated, reaching for his cup of water, the same one Lucy herself had prepared for him to drink if he needed it. "You're in love with her" </p><p>"How can you be so sure, if I'm not?" Ollie chuckled, surprising himself, as he wasn't really the laughing type. "How do you know?" </p><p>"Oh mate... oh mate, you should see it for yourself. Fucking hell, eh? You follow her every move, you breathe in the same rhythm as her... like she puts the sun in the sky, like she is the centre of your world" Alfie poetically mused, happily seeing his brother-in-arms blush violently. "The way I see it, right?...the way I see it, life is incredibly short. It's shorter than anyone could ever imagine it to be. She's been here, at this house, living here, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. You live next door, Oliver. You live next door, and it has to kill you, it has to be absolute torture to know she's sleeping so close to you, to think that she's so close, and yet you don't have her"</p><p>The whole reason for that speech was simple: Alfie was trying to get Ollie to react, he was trying to get that particular ball rolling. Now, right now, was as good a time as ever, and it was true: life was short, no one knew when their last day would be, and to see two people who would be happier together insist on being apart was sad, especially for someone who was bed-ridden, not able to live the life a man like Alfie Solomons was used to. So, his distraction was to see the would-be-budding romance between his best mate Ollie, and the pretty nurse called Lucy. More than that: Alfie decided to make it his life mission to get them to be together. </p><p>"And yet I don't have her? Who are you, and what have you done with Alfred Solomons?" Ollie enquired, straight up laughing. "There is a big difference between admiration for a beautiful, interesting, and smart woman, and love. In other words: one thing is lust, and the other one is love. You, of all people, should know that" </p><p>"And isn't lust a form of love?" Alfie countered, not knowing how it was possible for someone to fight the most obvious of all feelings. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She stood there, beautiful, perfect, ethereal, precious, luminous in the otherwise dark of the kitchen. Lucy spent a good amount of time there, needing to use the sink regularly to prepare the medication, which was basically just a mix of painkillers by now. Sadly, there was not much else to be done for the patient, and all of them knew it, Alfie included. Ollie sometimes asked her for an aspirin to help with his headaches, and Lucy always smiled and shook her head, giving him something else that worked better for the purpose. Amid those moments, in the middle of the horrible feeling of losing his best friend, little by little, Ollie had fallen in love with Lucy, despite being ready to fight tooth and nail against admitting it out loud. If he did, it would make it real, and as long as the thought lived only in his head, it wouldn't be as bad, it wouldn't be something that needed to be worked out, to be solved, to be acted upon. </p><p>"How is he?" Lucy asked, seeing Ollie emerge from Alfie's bedroom. </p><p>"He somehow fell asleep. He seemed alright, and was breathing fairly well. I made sure to check, and he did have a pulse, so I left him" Ollie explained, although he didn't need to, since Lucy knew no one in the world cared more for her patient than that man right there. "He's holding on"</p><p>"He is, he really is. Thank heavens" Lucy sighed, rinsing a bowl in the sink, putting it away to dry. The porcelain made the most delicate sound in the world when it came in contact with the marble surface, a sound that seemed to penetrate every bit of the room the both of them were standing in, breaking an otherwise awkward silent that screamed above any other audible sensation. "Was he lucid when you were talking to him?"</p><p>"He was, yes. To tell you the truth, I'm becoming more and more convinced that he's saner than me, despite the cancer" Ollie confessed, and although Lucy laughed, it wasn't a joke at all. His current predicament showed painfully well that it was true, that Ollie hadn't been able to resist the first woman he had a conversation with in years, whereas Alfie entertained half of the gay elite in London, and remained impervious to such feelings. </p><p>"Yeah? How come?" Lucy asked, the same look of amusement on her face, like she hadn't understood the turmoil of emotions that were passing by Ollie's mind. "Are you not feeling well?" </p><p>"No, no, I feelgreat. Physically, I can't complain. Mentally... well, I'm losing my brother, aren't I? And not even all at once, so I can feel everything and grieve and then be done with it; no, I'm losing him a little more each day, and it hurts beyond words, day after day" Ollie confessed, wondering why he was telling her all of it, and why he was saying it in that particular way. </p><p>"I'm so sorry... I can't imagine how difficult that must be. He seems like a remarkable man, and I find myself wondering whether it's a blessing that he has kept his wits about him, or if it's a curse. Most patients refuse to keep their mental abilities after the cancer starts to spread, and I think it's a way of coping, of not suffering" Lucy suggested, her voice soft and delicate. "Do you have a family? A wife, children?" </p><p>"No, I don't. For as long as I can remember, it's been me and Alfie, running this business, trying to stay alive. You?" </p><p>"I don't have a family, either. I had my mother, but she passed a couple of years ago" </p><p>"I'm sorry to hear that, I shouldn't have asked" Ollie immediately regretted, seeing the fleeting hint of horror in that beautiful face, the one he saw every time he closed his eyes. The tears that formed disappeared as quickly as they appeared, and Lucy went back to normal, going as far as giving him a smile, doing that thing she did when she didn't want someone else to feel bad for making her react in a less than positive way. </p><p>"No, that's fine. It's been a bit, and it's good to remember her, to talk about her" Lucy smiled, turning and getting on the tips of her toes to get a kettle from the top shelf. She was on the shorter side, and the kettle proved to be a little bit too heavy for her already precarious position, and came tumbling down. Luckily, Ollie managed to get to Lucy in time, stopping the heavy metal object from hitting either the ground, or her. But of course, in doing so, he'd gotten too close to her. </p><p>Entirely too close. </p><p>Too close as in... </p><p>As in her back was entirely glued to him, or rather the other way around, their two bodies coming together like two perfectly matched puzzle pieces. It was the closest Ollie had ever been to a member of the female gender, and maybe it had been fine it that was all it was. But there was the overwhelming fact that it was Lucy Carter. Although not on purpose, nothing had ever felt as right as this, as the close proximity, that had started off as innocent, unplanned, but had taken on a significance that was big enough to stop both of them in their tracks. The kettle was completely forgotten, now that it was safely placed on the counter, not threatening to hurt anyone else. </p><p>Honestly, Ollie couldn't do anything. He couldn't even think straight, and the more time passed by, the less he could function, suddenly aware of every single twist and turn of Lucy's body, which he knew almost by heart, despite relying only on his sight to compose that blueprint. This simple information, this simple and utterly human reaction, goes to show, and to explain, that no, Ollie wouldn't be the one to do something, unable as he was to even muster up the courage to do the decent thing and move away. It was Lucy, sweet, innocent, kind Lucy who seemed to understand exactly what was going on, without needing words. Turning her head, she looked back at him, focusing on his eyes, and then on his lips, before leaning ever so slowly to kiss him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>NSFW</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ollie had kissed women before, even when he was only a kid. He hadn't for a very long time, granted, but even if he had kissed someone five minutes earlier, any experience would be erased by this one. Her lips were like petals, as tender and delicate as flowers. The kiss itself could be considered chaste, or at least... at least it started like that. Whoever made it more than that, neither of them could tell. Whatever happened, Ollie came to his senses when his tongue was fully in Lucy's mouth, and his hands were on her thighs, even pushing the fabric of her dress out of the way. Another heartbeat, and his own lips had moved to her neck, right below her ear, sending a shiver down her spine, and making her breath hitch. Whatever was happening, it was amazing, it was perfect, it was surreal.</p><p>"Here?" Lucy ended up asking, a cheeky smile on her face. </p><p>"What?" Ollie countered, forcing himself to stop what he was doing, shaking his head to try and come back to reality. "Here?" </p><p>"Yeah, I'm asking if you want to do this here. In the kitchen" Lucy clarified, going as far as turning to Ollie, standing face to face with him, despite the height difference. "Someone could walk in, someone could hear..."</p><p>"Hear?" Ollie enquired, aware that his above-average brain seemed to have regressed, shrunk, disappeared even. Even if Lucy was speaking in English, he didn't seem to understand a word of what she was saying. Here? Hear? Do what? "Hear what?"</p><p>"Oh. Wait, I thought... That's alright, no pressure, I just thought that..." Lucy stammered, her cheeks blushing bright pink, red even, her eyes on the floor, embarrassed beyond belief. "I guess I got the wrong impression, that's all. I'm sorry"</p><p>Those words made the lightbulb go off in Ollie's brain: somewhere along the line, he'd been so out of it (or so into it, whatever it was) that the interruption, the rationalization threw him for several loops. Whoever said he was an intelligent, well-adjusted man was clearly mistaken, given that all it took for him to be reduced to a non-sensical mess was the woman he desired allowing him to kiss her. </p><p>"No wrong impression. I'm the one who's sorry" Ollie stated, throwing caution, hesitation, everything, to the wind. In no way, shape or form did he think it would ever come to this, here, in this way. But enough was enough, and he didn't want to be the same person by nightfall that he was when the sun rose that morning. Alfie was right, which he often was about affairs of the heart. "Not a second more, I'm done" </p><p>That last part had come out by accident, and made zero sense for someone not aware of the intensity of his thoughts. Lucy didn't really have any type of time to reply, however, as Ollie's lips fell on hers again, his palms on the back of her thighs, pulling her to him, and then hoisting her up onto the counter, sitting her down as comfortably as possible. Her legs came around him, doing a good job of making the both of them come closer. </p><p>For all intents and purposes, the only thing that changed was how complete Ollie knew her now, how completely he knew Lucy. And it turned out not to be so bad, turned out not to be so central that he'd saved himself for close to forty years. In fact, it was of no consequence, really, because as soon as he made the decision to let it go, nothing else mattered. The only revelation was that it felt better than he could ever have imagined, that she felt better than he could ever have anticipated. </p><p>"I thought none of us would ever have the courage to go ahead and do this" Lucy said, buttoning her blouse, making sure her hair was smooth on her head, and not a mess of curls. </p><p>"That makes two of us, although I had no idea you wanted it too" Ollie responded, fixing his clothes, buttoning his pants. His heart was beating a little too fast, and his cheeks were probably as red as the fire burning in the living room fireplace. He knew, though, he knew it now: he'd been right in waiting, and had been twice right to wait for Lucy. </p><p>"Sure I did. You must've known" Lucy laughed, hands on her hips, turning to Ollie with furrowed brows. "I mean, your boss knows, so I thought you did too, and just weren't interested. You barely even looked in my direction whenever we were in the same room" </p><p>"There's the thing, though. I don't know what to do from here. Do I ask you to forget about it, to walk away, not risking your life by associating with me? Do I ask you for your hand in marriage, do I marry you like I want to, putting you in harm's way?" Ollie asked, truly asking for her opinion, truly asking for guidance. He didn't regret what had happened one bit, but he did have to admit he didn't know where they should go from there. </p><p>"Are those the only two options? Letting this go, or going all the way? That's a very traditional way of thinking" </p><p>"It's the only way when you work for a business that has less than savory dealings with very unpalatable people. Do you not ask yourself how come none of us is married? Me and Alfie, I mean?" he countered, pretty sure he wasn't telling her something she didn't already know: Lucy Carter was an observant woman, and smart too; living in that house had to have raised some flags. </p><p>"Oh, pretty sure Alfie isn't married because same-sex marriage is very illegal" Lucy chuckled, shrugging as if it was a minor inconvenience, not something that would land people in jail, if caught. "I mean, it's fairly obvious, but I dont prey on people's lives, and I don't have anything to do with what a person likes or doesn't like. Love is love, no matter which form it takes" </p><p>"On that we agree, whereas the Crown does not" Ollie sighed, thinking about the man sleeping in the next room. Would his life be any different if he was allowed to love whoever, freely and truly, without the full extent of the law coming down upon him? Would he be capable of love, would he have found someone, would he smile? Would his death be easier or harder, if he was in love?</p><p>"Well, there is a lot the Crown does not agree with. But like I said: love is love. And if you want to marry me, and if I want to marry you, we are free to do so. I, especially, am free to decide to marry you, even with all the danger it might bring. I remind you that I was an army nurse: I've been in plenty of danger" Lucy assured, smiling at Ollie, who had his own trouble looking back at her, such was her brightness and her beauty, encapsulating the true perfection of a woman so brave and yet so pure, it would've been a crime not to fall in love with her, and take it to His Majesty to sanction. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So?" </p><p>Such a simple question, yet such a basic instinct of retreat.</p><p>"So?" </p><p>The impulse to fire back with the same ammunition: a coward's escape. And yet, ironically, Ollie had never felt braver. </p><p>"I asked first, mate. And I want an answer" </p><p>Alfie Solomons was a good person to talk to, in the sense that he usually just spoke, leaving Ollie no option but to listen, and nod along if he felt extremely generous. Today was different, though, and different for the both of them. Unusual, peculiar, spectacularly odd day, this was. From the weather to the breakfast menu, a very particular day. So maybe Ollie should've known Alfie would also be different, and would sink his teeth into something, something he didn't let go until he got every drop of blood, and every ounce of meat. </p><p>"I would provide you with one, if I knew what you're referring to... which I do not, hence my inability to answer" Ollie mocked, leaning back on the chair, puffing his chest ever so slightly, and grinning at his friend. "Elaborate, and I might indulge you"</p><p>"Last time we spoke, you didn't know what to do with Lucy Carter... so there's this dilemma, right? This dilema that I've had swirling around in my head since you left my deathbed yesterday afternoon" Alfie informed, perhaps much closer to losing his patience than he'd been in what could very well be decades. "The dilema of how come I had the pleasure of hearing the aforementioned Lucy Carter sighing, moaning, and perhaps even cursing under her breath" </p><p>"You were sleeping" Ollie countered, making a last ditch effort to not only keep himself from blushing, but also to give Alfie the satisfaction he would feel once he heard what he had to say, once his questions were answered. "I'm calling your bluff" </p><p>"That's where you're mistaken... I was pretending to be asleep, I wasn't actually sleeping. I knew Lucy would be in the kitchen, and I knew you had to go through there eventually "</p><p>"So you pretended to be asleep to spy on us. Perfect. You know, every time I think you can't actually stoop any lower, you do. And mind you, we've been to war together, where the both of us did things we cannot even think about" Ollie laughed, looking up at the ceiling, up to the room he knew Lucy occupied, and practically seeing her get ready for her duties. "What do you want to know, then? If I'm to blame for the noise, or if you should commiserate with me, and tell me there are plenty of fish in the sea?" </p><p>"As per usual, you've read my mind" Alfie acquiesced, nodding once, and stifling a yawn. Truth be told, he hadn't slept very well. As for the motive, he would be forced to admit that he was (deep down, admittedly) concerned that Lucy Carter did have a secret lover stashed somewhere, who had come out of hiding just as Ollie was (under Alfie's directions, of course) ready to make his long awaited move. If that was the case, than Alfie would have to admit he'd spent his last days on Earth trying to make his best friend live a happy life, only to end up failing miserably. </p><p>"In either case, a gentleman shouldn't open his mouth on the subject. If it was me, kissing and telling is in very poor taste... if it wasn't, and I knew about it, it meant I'd been spying; either way, it puts me in a very awkward position, doesn't it?" Ollie responded, enjoying getting a rise out of Alfie, who was visibly straining under the pressure of the barrage of insults he no doubt had been collecting ever since their conversation started. </p><p>"The rules you speak of don't apply between brothers in arms" Alfie reminded, scoffing at the verbal accomplishments of the only worthy opponent he'd ever known. "So, I am hereby begging you to inform me as to what it was that happened in that kitchen" </p><p>"It's very low, even for you, to bring up the army" Ollie ended up smiling, as he always did when it came to Alfie, who'd always had a way of getting what he wanted, was it a particular man, insider information on business deals, or simple information about other people's romantic lives. "My pride is also on your side on this one, which pains me to say, as I like to think I'm a man of moderate modesty" </p><p>"Will their be a wedding, then?"</p><p>"Most likely" </p><p>"Allow me to be the first to congratulate you, old friend" Alfie beamed, an event so rare it took Ollie by surprise. "I won't ask you if it was worth the wait, because it cannot have been... I will only ask if you understand what you've been missing" </p><p>"You'd be hard pressed trying to convince me I should've wasted away my efforts on someone less precious to me than Lucy Carter" Ollie stated, and Alfie agreed internally, even though the concept of someone worth more than sex was completely foreign to him. "Maybe I could've waited less time to tell her how I feel, but it's of absolutely no consequence now, isn't it?" </p><p>"Did you sleep with her?" Alfie inquired, resorting to those piercing eyes of his, the ones that made it seem like a person was completely transparent. Not that his question wasn't: having asserted that Ollie had indeed made his move (and then several others) on Lucy Carter in the kitchen, he now wanted to know whether they'd shared a bed. For a man who preferred one night stands, this was far more intimate than kissing, or even penetration. It was the sharing of one's most vulnerable time, of moments when one could be caught off guard. </p><p>"Yes" Ollie nodded, pursing his lips to keep the chuckle from ever leaving his mouth. "I hate to ask this, but are you happy now that you've made me admit to things I'd promised I'd keep to myself? Not even to Lucy, but to myself, which is somehow more invasive" </p><p>"Did we not say we're brothers? Saying it to me is like saying it to yourself, only better: you know that you've multiplied the happiness you feel, and given a dying man one more reason to be at peace" </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>No, the situation wasn't ideal. There was nothing ideal about having a dying best friend, but Alfie's illness had brought about some good: Lucy Carter. Somehow, just calling her Lucy was strange, and sounded foreign. Ollie much rather call her Lucy Carter, for two reasons: Carter was a beautiful last name, and only her full name seemed to be respectful enough for such a precious being. In no way shape or form would he call her Lucy Carter to her face, but Ollie did really like her name. Besides, he liked the way she looked at Alfie, the way she took care of him; liked the way she smelled of pine and lavender; liked the sweetness of her expression, even when she didn't know she was being watched. The small moments Ollie had to simply sit back and observe her doing the smallest, most mundane tasks, were the best of his day, probably of his life. </p><p>"You look like you're about to either cry, or fall asleep" </p><p>"Neither, to be honest. Just thinking" Ollie admitted, letting out an overdue breath. In his very lonely life, he always imagined sharing a bed with someone to be very uncomfortable, which couldn't be further from the truth. Sharing a bed was intimate, sure, and intimacy was something to be guarded with fierce determination. Nevertheless, Ollie had no difficulty accepting Lucy into his home, into his bed, into his life. And what could be more soul-baring than sex? Hadn't he spent his whole life keeping sex to himself, refusing to let go of that last bastion of purity until the time was right? After that hurdle was surpassed, sleeping in the same bed would apparently be easy, effortless; only it wasn't, for some reason. The beauty of it was as simple as it was obscure: intimacy had levels, and the overcoming of one didn't lead to the falling down of the subsequent domino pieces. As it turns out, sex was one thing, whereas sleeping together was another. Alfie said it too, when he asked about it specifically. </p><p>"Thinking, huh? Should I worry? Am I about to be kicked out of here? Should I get dressed?" Lucy inquired, placing her hands beneath her chin, laying on her stomach and looking at Ollie while the moonlight tinted the curves of her back the kind of silver one would only see in crown jewels. That was another thing Ollie wasn't prepared for: how no song, no poem, no piece of writing could ever do justice to a woman's body, to the curves, to the dips, to the mounds and to the softness. Until he felt it for himself, he didn't believe paintings and drawings were telling the truth, were depicting the subjects in an honest light. But he was wrong, and he was man enough to admit to that. </p><p>"Kicking you out is probably the last thing I would do" Ollie confessed, gathering his strength to look into Lucy's eyes, instead of devoting his sight to memorizing parts of her he didn't know as well, and that he could forget. "You are free to leave, if you want to" </p><p>"No, I don't want to leave. Alfie know how to reach me if he needs me, and I'm far too comfortable; I don't want to move" Lucy countered, blinking lazily, letting her eyes close for more time than necessary. "Could this have happened before? I mean, should I have said something before?" </p><p>"If you're asking whether I have dreamed of you each night since I first met you, the answer is yes. As for the rest, I had some reservations, which were entirely my own, and had nothing to do with you" Ollie explained, turning to the side, using his arm to support his head. "I do love you, Lucy, and have for a fair amount of time. But I had to make sure I didn't cross any lines, didn't do anything to make you uncomfortable" </p><p>"I understand, I felt the same. I know you and Alfie are extremely close, and I didn't want my presence to make you feel awkward in any way, in case my feelings were one-sided" Lucy agreed, reaching forward, and carefully picking up the star of David medallion Ollie wore around his neck. It was simple, plain, but she liked the way it was brought out by the color of his skin, and she liked how this was the first time she saw it, after only catching glimpses of the modest token under his clothes. "Luckily, that wasn't the case, but I was convinced it was. Always felt like you were distant, stand-offish almost. Thought I didn't have a chance" </p><p>"Like I said, not your fault at all. I'm the kind of person who is so private, I go to another room to cough" Ollie joked, relieved to hear Lucy laugh, the corners of her eyes tightening and wrinkling. Lord, he wanted to cover her in kisses, wanted to hear her laugh and giggle and scream for the rest of his meaningless life... "You've no idea how long I waited for you. You've no idea how much I prayed for you, how much I had to do to make sure I would be ready when you arrived" </p><p>"I hope I'm worth it" she shyly sighed, eyes heavy not with slumber, but with admiration, with love, with lust, and everything in between. </p><p>"Worth it doesn't even start to describe you. A sight for sore eyes is more like it, but it's still not enough. You feel like the first sip of water after days without a drink, like the end of the war, like arriving in London after the trenches" Ollie admitted, opting for looking at the ceiling, an absent minded smile on his lips, allowing himself to relive the happiest days of his life, but finding that he always went back to Lucy. </p><p>"That's... that's the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. And coming from you, I..." Lucy's voice was trembling, and the tears she promised herself not to shed rose to her eyes, threatening to make their way onto the cotton pillow under her head. "Will you marry me" </p><p>Ollie didn't even know what to say to that. First off, he was the one who wanted to ask, he was the one who should ask. Then, this was not the kind of setting fit for a proposal. Soon enough though, he understood there was no room for rationality: love was anything but, and what could be more meaningful, more romantic, than the bed they shared? On top of that, if Lucy had asked, it meant she was doing so out of her own free will. And that was the most important part. </p><p>"Yes. Yes, of course I will" Ollie replied, not wasting one second to make a decision that was besides obvious. </p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Marriage, as a topic, was something not many men either of them knew talked about. Sure, most men in the Jewish community were married, but the subject was never approached. One day, someone would come up to either Ollie or Alfie, say that someone they knew was engaged, and to expect the invitation to follow. Without fail, it did, and they both attended, up until the moment Alfie could no longer get out of the house, and Ollie with him for company. Of course, weddings were some of the most joyous occasions at the bakery, used as they were to attending funerals. Those weren't talked about either: they happened, came about, were sprung on people. Weddings took planning, and followed a courtship that would fuel the rumor mill, hence not surprising anyone in Camden Town. </p><p>"So you asked her to marry you, that it?" Alfie inquired, convinced he'd heard wrong. "And she said yes" </p><p>"The other way around" Ollie clarified, biting the inside of his cheek to make sure he didn't smile, or laugh. Granted, Alfie's face was honestly a picture, but his loyal companion did not want to mock him like that. "She asked me to marry her, and I accepted" </p><p>"Fucking hell... how times have changed. What would your father say if he was alive to hear that tale?" Alfie asked, practically seeing old Ollie Sr. in front of him, stern look in his eyes, internally composing a speech to berate his only son for his lack of spine. Such an offense was, for Ollie Sr., punishable with death, or worse: castration. "And your mother?" </p><p>"My mother would take one look at Lucy Carter and understand how similar they are in strength, and assertiveness. I'd never say my mother lived the life of a saint, but she lived a life I would consider led on her own terms" Ollie smiled, remembering the parents he'd lost long ago. How typical it was for Alfie to be the one of them to bring them up, ignoring their status as dead and buried, and allowing them to invade a conversation between two soldiers. God only knew the effort Ollie Jr. had to make not to invite his parents into every second of his day, pushing them away with all his strength, trying to silence voices that were extinct, but louder than ever before. </p><p>"She was a good woman, and so is Lucy, eh? It doesn't matter what any of them think. My mother would kill me if she found out those dates I went in as a teenager were with my own sex. Alas, she's dead, my father is dead, and it is less their business than it ever was" Alfie agreed, leaning back onto the pillows Lucy Carter herself had put behind his back a couple of hours ago. "I'm honored to be the first to know, and equally as honored to be the first to congratulate you. You couldn't have picked better and this engagement means you'll be happy when I'm gone, that you won't be alone" </p><p>"Thank you" Ollie nodded, looking down at his hands, and catching the smallest glance of the star of David Lucy Carter had admired earlier that morning. It also got him thinking that he would need to leave the bakery and head to the jeweler that serviced the neighborhood, and whose creations had a special meaning to the family. "I don't know how, but we managed to bring this bit of light into our darkness. And I have you to thank for pushing me in the right direction, in her direction. I know I will never be able to repay you, but this is just another debt I owe you" </p><p>"And what of the debts I have to you? The fact that you never, not even once, left my side, even when I asked you to kill for me, to run an extremely dangerous business for me?" Alfie protested, raising his voice slightly, as this was not the first time the exchange had taken place between the both of them. However futile, counting the times they'd helped each other aided in the never ending task of reliving moments where the different between life and death came down to simple odds, in contrast with the grim reality of irreversible endings. "Lucy Carter isn't another debt, Ollie; she's the selfish manifestation of a dying man, who wants the only true friend he's ever had to live the life he never could dare to dream about" </p><p>"Between you and me, I pray that you go to sleep, and wake up in a different time, when you can love whoever you want, marry whoever you want" Ollie said, letting out a defeated sigh. If there was an afterlife, maybe they'd meet again, maybe he'd find Alfie again, in a time when nothing was forbidden. How likely was that, though? How likely was it that there was life after death, and that friends would know how to be reunited after it. Hope was, however, a hard train to stop, as it didn't have any stations, and went full speed ahead without a conductor or brakes to make it stop. And if Ollie could find Alfie in another life, he would be able to find Lucy Carter, would be able to live that love eternally, without the sorrow of seeing her go, or departing without her. </p><p>"I do, too. Call it blasphemy, but I believe I will wake up again when I'm gone. Not without attending your wedding, though. I refuse to die without seeing you married" Alfie chuckled, refusing to go down on any other terms other than his own. "Who knows, maybe I'll be here to see your children. Well, if you conceive some before you can't get it up, I mean. We both know we're not getting any younger"</p><p>"Classy as ever, aren't you? I'll have you know everything is fully functional, and that I assume I will be able to give my wife children, if she wants them" Ollie assured, laughing along with Alfie, appreciating the combined sounds of their joy for the first time, hoping with all his might it wasn't the last. "This is the part where I inform you I wil l be leaving the house to purchase a ring"</p><p>"Buy the nicest one you find" Alfie encouraged, closing his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again, an idea projected right into his brain. "I'm thinking radiant or maybe princess cut" </p><p>"I will pretend to know what those are, make a mental note, and ask to see some examples. Thank you" </p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As per Alfie's suggestion, Ollie had required examples of radiant and princess cut diamonds, and was now fully aware of the differences between the two. As it turned out, the purchase of an engagement ring posed more challenges than expected: should one follow one's preference, or try to guess their betrothed's favorite? Should one go for wow factor, so that everyone who crossed paths with her know she was taken, engaged, soon to be married? Or opt for something discrete, low-key, tasteful? And while on that subject, what qualified as tasteful, and what was considered flashy? Furthermore, what was the size of her finger, and on which finger would she wear the ring? Would the wedding band and engagement ring be a set, or two separate pieces? Gold, rose gold, silver, platinum? Alfie would know, he would know which ring was the right one, would know it as soon as he walked in the shop. Given his absence, that was not possible, so Ollie was left to fend for himself. </p><p>If the array of choices wasn't bad enough as it was, the walk back home was positively agonizing. What happened if Lucy Carter hated the ring? What would she say if she did? Would she accept it, and be forced to live her life with a jewel she hated? Would she yell at him, and call off the engagement, because he clearly did not know her taste well enough for them to be happily married? Make no mistake, Ollie was a very intelligent man; but even for a brain like his, all the questions were proving to be a little too much. In these cases, and in his experience, Ollie had discovered that the best way to solve the issue was to face it head on. Hence, he almost ran to the bakery, heading straight to Lucy Carter's room, and knocking rapidly, hoping and praying she would be there, so that they could do this in private. </p><p>"Come in!" Ollie heard her calling from the inside, prompting him to open the door and attempt to smile at the vision that was his fiancée. "Oh, hi! Is everything alright?" </p><p>"Yes, yes, everything is fine. I wanted to give you this" he explained, struggling to get the velvet box out of his pocket, but managing in less time than he wished to have. "Now, you don't have to wear it; I just wanted you to have one" </p><p>"That is... so kind, thank you" Lucy replied, accepting the box and cradling it in her palm for a second, before opening it, and lifting the lid. Her face was completely blank at first, but then her jaw dropped, although there was absolutely no sound coming from her mouth. "Oh. Oh wow. Oh my god. Ollie, this is..." </p><p>"Like I said: if you hate it, that's absolutely my..." Ollie tried to complete the sentence, but couldn't before Lucy threw her arms around his neck, hugging him so tightly it made him smile spontaneously. </p><p>"I don't even know what to say. It's the most beautiful ring I have ever seen, it's by far the most beautiful gift I've ever gotten. Thank you, so so much. It's incredible, it really is" Lucy exclaimed, dabbing the corners of her eyes so that the tears didn't drop down to her cheeks, as this was no time to cry, it was a moment of joy. "Should I put it on?"</p><p>"Yes, please" Ollie requested, taking the ring himself, as well as Lucy's hand. "I'll do it, actually" </p><p>Surprisingly, the ring fit pretty well, and was only a little bit loose. Despite that catch, the sparkling ring complemented her skin tone, the shape of her finger, and simply herself as a whole, her personality, her sweetness, her joy. Granted, a ring could never encapsulate a woman like Lucy Carter, let alone a woman like her as seen through Ollie's adoring, loving eyes. </p><p>"Thank you, I adore it" Lucy sighed, looking up into her fiancé's eyes with the sort of brightness Ollie had only seen coming from the sun. "I adore you, too" </p><p>"I adore you, too" Ollie responded, without even thinking it through, like he did with everything else.</p><hr/><p> Of course I picked a ring, I always do, I love jewelry lmaoooooooo </p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Knowing what they knew now, Alfie and Ollie would have changed a few things. However, rewinding one's life, even for a second, was impossible. Now, when one of them was on permanent bed rest, and the other was mourning him in advance, there wasn't much they could do, either in the past, present, or future. Who knew that planning a wedding (however simple and private, mind you) was much harder than planning for a death? Alfie found it humorous, Ollie found it wicked in the worst sense of the word. Between the two, and calling in some favors, a matrimony ceremony was put together.</p><p>Altogether, it took them three days to plan everything, with the bride's full knowledge and approval. If anyone had asked beforehand, Lucy Carter had never wanted a big wedding, nor did she have a preference for a temple. After her work in the war, and after seeing men asking whatever God to spare their lives, only to be ignored, she had stopped believing, had stopped going to mass. Long story short, she had one simple request: a bouquet of irises, the national flower of France. The significance was enormous: she had served as a nurse in France, and Ollie had served in the army there as well. </p><p>"Anything you want. A dress, maybe?" Ollie inquired, sipping on some lukewarm tea that Alfie hadn't finished. "I don't know what else brides need" </p><p>"I don't know, actually! I went to some weddings during the war, but they were kinda makeshift, I guess. I always liked them, though: the idea of being so in love you cannot wait one more second to marry. Back then, I guess one of the two could be killed at any moment, so it made sense" Lucy dreamily explained, leaning against the doorway of Alfie's room. </p><p>"Well, I'm not the one getting married, but I might very well be dead by morning" Alfie joked, although no one else laughed: he was the only one who found his demise humorous, and not devastating beyond words. "So there's your sense of urgency" </p><p>"I'm fine with anything. Justice of peace, signing a couple papers, whatever. I need the three of us to be there, we'll find someone to be the second witness, and we'll be set" Ollie shrugged, taking in a deep breath. "Irises can be imported from France, and I already sent our measurements for the bands. I am sorry, but that is the one thing I will not forego" </p><p>"You go to the man who did the engagement ring, right? He does gold well" Alfie nodded, eyeing the engagement ring on Lucy's finger. It suited her perfectly, and Alfie knew he would have chosen the same one if he'd been able to accompany Ollie. </p><p>"Not foregoing bands is truly very romantic" Lucy smiled, looking at Ollie with stars in her eyes. "It's very sweet" </p><p>"It's tradition, isn't it? Not to mention I like the idea of looking down at my finger and thinking of you" Ollie responded, knowing that he wasn't in immediate danger, but still having the survival instinct within him, saying that having tokens on him at all times meant he wouldn't die alone when the time came, whenever that may be. A soldier never came out of war the same, if he came out at all. </p><p>"I like the idea of those girls who gawk at you on the street knowing you're taken, even if we don't invite them to the wedding to shove it in their faces" Lucy chuckled, although it was true a lot of single women wanted Ollie, and didn't even try very hard to conceal it. She could only speculate, given that the relationship and engagement was kept to themselves. "I'm not serious, by the way" </p><p>"Did you know that he has always been a hit with the ladies?" Alfie laughed, watching as Ollie blushed profusely. "I'm not lying, either" </p><p>"I wouldn't say I'm a hit with anyone" Ollie protested, crossing his arms in front of his chest, scoffing at the thought. "I don't even know which women in Camden are single" </p><p>"I do. Trust me, you do not want to know, they're all gold diggers" Alfie spat, causing Lucy to laugh at his expression of horror. "What? Whoever he marries is going to be around me, and I don't want to deal with some fucking... excuse me, with some fucking..."</p><p>"Boring bitch? Same here, mate" Ollie completed, given that Alfie went into one of his ever-growing coughing fits. A spoon of honey provided by Lucy helped, and Alfie seemed to calm down a little bit. </p><p>"Those poor girls, you're being malicious" Lucy warned, shooting them both a glare. "That's really not nice" </p><p>"Might not be, but I know what I'm talking about. I know all the gossip in this town, and I know what they get up to in their free time, which is all their time" Alfie dismissed, and even Lucy had to soften her features: the man was very funny, without ever trying to be. </p><p>"A lot of people around here do need hobbies" Ollie agreed, nodding his head. "Let us do what we do here in peace, without getting in the way"</p><p>"You two give me headaches" Lucy shook her head, not knowing what to say: it seemed hypocritical to marry a man who was very deep into a criminal organisation, while she worked hard to save lives as a nurse. But since when did the heart care about those things? Lucy's certainly didn't, as she had fallen hard and fast for Ollie. What was more, she had agreed to marry him, and was more than willing to welcome a child with him. Go figure, right?</p><p>"Are we settled then?" Ollie asked, taking the final sip of the chamomile tea and directing his gaze to Lucy. "Are you still absolutely sure you want to marry me" </p><p>"Absolutely. There was never a doubt in my mind" Lucy beamed, her heart beating a thousand times per hour. </p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When it came to wedding attire, there wasn't too much to say about this particular celebration: the bride wore a sensible, modest cream-coloured dress, and the groom wore a nice suit, but that was all. To add to the festivities, Alfie had put on a hat, trimmed his beard, and consumed honey in advance, so that his coughing didn't interrupt the vows, or the signing of the papers. Luckily, the right man had been persuaded to come over to the bakery, and agreed to perform the rites inside Alfie's room, so that he wouldn't have to move, and be uncomfortable. The whole thing, vows included, took about fifteen minutes, but nothing mattered to wither the bride or the groom aside from the placing of the rings in each other's fingers, as the solid gold signified a commitment that they made, of the laws they called upon to unite them, and of the love they had felt from the very moment they'd met. </p><p>"Too late for annulment now" Ollie joked, smiling to himself, but mainly at Lucy, whose deep breaths filled the room. He too was tired, but this was the kind of tired he preferred: not from working all day, but from spending the better part of the night making love to his wife, whom he had married mere hours ago. However, those hours were not enough for him to come to a conclusion about what his favourite part of her body was: the blushed cheeks, the full lips, the sleepy eyes, her thighs wrapping around his waist, or her arms holding him close to her.</p><p>"Too bad, I was going to file in the morning" Lucy laughed, her voice faltering a tiny bit, due to the effort she made not to emit a single sound. "I hope no one heard me" </p><p>"No, I don't think so. And if someone did, that's their problem" Ollie shrugged, debating on whether he should pull the sheets and blankets over the two of them, or to just let both bodies cool down naturally. The second option seemed the best, especially when Lucy used her hand to fan herself, little drops of sweat still humid on her forehead and running down her chest. "This isn't much of a honeymoon, though. And I'm sorry about that"</p><p>"Small fact about me you might not know is that my ideal honeymoon has two elements: a bed, and the man I chose to marry. I'm in bed, and my husband is next to me. Perfect honeymoon" she informed, biting her lip, and smiling in that very special manner she had of telling Ollie he'd made her a very happy woman indeed. </p><p>"That I can provide" Ollie responded, receiving Lucy closer to him with open arms. She smelled fantastic, but he could never figure out what it was. Slightly botanical, with a subtle hint of flowers, but neither family of plants was overwhelming, or overpowering. Simply put, it was Lucy, it smelled like Lucy, and it was the best smell in the whole world. Right now, there were goosebumps on her back, so the covers were promptly put in their place. "What else?"</p><p>"Strong arms to hold me, and a very comfortable chest to serve as pillow... the possibility of you kissing me every few seconds, and of listening to your heart beating in sync with mine" Lucy trailed off, drawing nonsensical shapes over Ollie's chest and neck. He wasn't ticklish, which annoyed her a little, but she did manage some goosebumps, which was a victory in itself. "Literally all I need" </p><p>"You say it like that and I might just believe you" </p><p>"Believe me. Don't let those demons in your head come out tonight, alright? I won't let them, I'll fight if I have to. I love you, Oliver, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to explain just how much love that is, but I'll be damned if I don't try" Lucy sighed, running the pads of her fingers over his cheek, blessing the day she took the job at the bakery in Camden Town.</p><p>"I love you, too. I also don't know how to put it into words, but I hope to have years, maybe decades, to try" Ollie agreed, wanting more than ever to stop time, to have Lucy in his arms, to have his best friend alive, and to know the kind of happiness that most people only dreamed about. "Not to mention, the government is now involved, so..."</p><p>"So you better put a baby in me sooner rather than later, to be the ideal British family everyone talks about" Lucy smirked, half joking, half serious. "No pressure, though" </p><p>"Oh sure, no pressure at all" </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW for mentions of death and grief.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The beauty of life, and of that life in particular, was that it was so diverse in its meanings and achievements. In the complexity of something so big and so full as Alfie Solomons' life, there was absolutely nothing to be said that could do it justice. Ollie tried, and so did a couple of other people, all of them focused on what Alfie would say if he was there to hear the small speeches. Unfortunately, it was precisely because Alfie wasn't there that those words were necessary, as the man himself had perished, after a long battle with cancer.  In the end, the Camden Town boss fought bravely, tooth and nail even, until he could no longer hold on to the body which gave up on him. There was no pain thanks to his devoted personal nurse, and no boredom due to the presence of his brother in arms. For a man who liked very few people and loved none, it was surprising that he wasn't alone, let alone lonely, in his final moments. </p><p>"I am very sorry" Lucy Carter whispered, kneeling in front of her husband, who sat on his dead best friend's bed, elbows on his knees, and palms concealing his face. "Do you want me to go?"</p><p>"No. No, please don't go" Ollie requested, extending his hands and accepting Lucy's hands in return. "I don't want to be alone. I don't know how I'll survive if I'm alone"</p><p>"Good thing you're not alone, then. What do you need?" Lucy asked, bringing her spouse's head onto her shoulder, letting him cry his tears into her hair. His grief was overwhelming, and a soul as empathetic as Lucy's could feel every bit of it, especially with how well she knew Ollie. Even though she herself didn't know Alfie half as well as his best friend, Lucy knew the man enough to miss him, and to understand how much he left behind. </p><p>"You" Ollie managed to push out, silencing the sobs at the expense of superhuman strength. "You, just that" </p><p>"I'm here" she assured, stroking his hair, standing firm in the face of a tempest like none other. "And I always will be" </p><p>Ollie nodded, knowing in his heart that he would have died of grief if it wasn't for Lucy. Nothing in the world could compare to this, to the feeling of being burned alive, of having your skin pulled off your muscles with rusty tools. The mere thought of not having Alfie there, the mere thought of having to handle business without his partner... shit, and the amount of people who would have to be notified, the amount of plans and contracts that would have to be altered, that would be cancelled... there was also the matter of how to tell employees at the bakery, to loyal business partners, and even to other gangs in the UK and abroad. Speaking of, what would they do when they found out Camden Town had lost its beacon? In fact, Ollie ended up not giving a damn about that; if push came to shove, he would take Lucy and run, leaving everything behind. Actually, he might just do that, to flee the places with all the memories, the places which still bore his scent and the strength of his words. Just like he said, she was the one and only thing in the world that mattered, the only thing he even cared about, the only one he was living for. Whatever that entailed, Ollie was sure that she was keeping him alive, and that the thought of being away from her was the only thing more horrible to imagine than Alfie being dead. </p><p>"I love you" Ollied managed to say once he couldn't cry anymore, once his throat was raw from the sobs, and his eyes stung with the intensity of the tears. "I need to get out of here" </p><p>"Alright, sure. We'll go somewhere nice, eh? We'll go to my parents' home in Exeter, and we'll look after the animals, there" Lucy suggested, being dead serious, and confirming that by looking straight into Ollie's eyes. "We can always come back if you want to" </p><p>"I won't want to. I want to go, and never look back; I just want to look at you for the rest of my life, I can't bear seeing anything else" he begged, praying to her, praying that she would understand and didn't want to go away, didn't abandon him to his luck. The best part of letting go was that she simply nodded, validating him in her mercy, and granting him the blessing of her light, in his darkest hour. </p><p>"I'll pack for us. Do you want to come with me? To our room?" she asked, extending her hand as she got up. Ollie followed her, glancing at Alfie's room one last time, saying one last goodbye to the place where he and his best friend plotted, schemed, talked, gossiped, and shared a life that welcomed Lucy into it like the final piece of a puzzle set. Now, once Alfie was gone, the room lost its meaning, and even seeing it empty was bordering on insulting. </p><p>When Ollie left, once the door was closed behind him and his wife, he finally understood what Alfie wanted all along: for Ollie to have the love and the light he himself never achieved, for him to leave and be married to someone who made him happy. In the face of unspoken instructions from the man who'd been his boss and superior, Ollie didn't have a choice... and Lucy led him with such confidence there was nowhere else to go. </p><p>So Ollie smiled, knowing Alfie had gotten his way, even beyond the grave. </p>
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